Domestic Orphan, Hungry Orphan

The following was written with permission, though I changed her name as this is a current situation.

November is orphan month, and I've been picturing adorable 4 year olds in oversized T-shirts with mis-matched shorts and braids in their hair.  But today God brought 4 orphans in Indiana front and center in my life.  I can't tell you about three of them, though they will forever be in need of your prayers.  The fourth, however, gave me permission to share her story.

I haven't talked with Erika for a few months.  I first got to know her when she was an angry and searching new mom.  I found out that she stays near one of my foster families, so I swung by for a visit today before I was scheduled to be at my foster home.  We talked for an hour or so about what's new in each of our lives.  As our time wrapped up, I told her about the memoir I'd like to write about teen moms and the nitty gritty, unhollywood, ugly side of what it's like.  She told me that she'd be willing to lend her story to the project, so this post will be something of an initial partial rough draft (how's that for commitment on my part, haha).  For now, I'd like to focus on just her current situation with some background information for perspective.

Erika lives in a small trailer, with a man that was married for a brief time to her biological mother.  He's the only connection she has to her past, to her life; and he isn't even related to her.  He is a kind, hardworking father figure to her, but still, he isn't related to him.  She has no car, no phone, no way to get to a job of any kind, and no internet connection (even if she did have a computer).  She does not talk to anyone in her family, and her only friend is a girl living in the same trailer park.  Her other friends don't have any way to get ahold of her, and may or may not know where she is currently staying, or for how long she'll be allowed to stay there.  When I visited, her fridge was empty except for a few condiment bottles, and her stomach kept growling loud enough to interrupt conversation.  She told me that she eats once a day; when I asked if it was choice or because of the lack of food she told me that she just isn't hungry much.  It all but broke my heart.  She's hungry, and she doesn't have any family that cares enough to bring her food.  Or a coat.  She needs a winter coat.

Because Erika doesn't have a job, she depends on her once-step-father for everything.  But he doesn't make much.  This is why they don't have much food.  And because they don't have much food, Erika's son can't live with her.  Can you imagine not having enough money to have your child live with you?  She sees him on the weekends, when his dad drops him off along with enough food to last him the weekend.  During the week their son stays with Erika's ex's cousins (or was it his friends?  she couldn't remember) while her ex works.  So, this little boy is spending a vast majority of his waking hours with people that are not related to him except loosely.  People that may or may not care about his manners or morals or spiritual upbringing.  When I asked Erika how she felt about not seeing her son except on weekends she acted like it was nothing, but I've known her for long enough to know that Erika has a great ability to block things out when she is feeling more pain than she can bear.

There's more going on in Erika's life than little food and not being able to raise her son except on the weekends.  Erika's ex's family was her surrogate family.  Her ex's dad was 'daddy' to her.  She lived with his family for many months when her family wouldn't support her.  A couple months ago, her daddy was killed by a texting drunk driver.  So not only has she been abandoned by her biological family, she just lost her surrogate father, too.  Because of wounds from her past that have layered themselves in her heart over the years, this wound won't heal as quickly as it would if it happened to me or you.  They start with a biological father that doesn't want her, include a mother that tried to get her son taken from her and told Erika she hated her before disappearing from Erika's life, and include a sister (whom Erika adores) that only calls when she wants Erika to babysit, and hasn't contacted Erika in months.  This girl has hurts that go deep.  She is an orphan if there is one.  She's a hungry orphan. But God has heard her growling stomach...and He heard her hungry heart.

Last Saturday one of my co-workers (the indomitable Nicole Wiegand) stopped by and spent some time with Erika.  She got Erika a Bible that she could understand.  Remember when I said earlier that Erika has no phone, computer, or car?  Guess what Erika has been doing since Saturday when Nicole left.  Reading!  Erika has been splitting her time between the Bible and another book she was reading.  Boy did she have some questions ready for me!  The top of her list- why do people die.  Man oh man, talk about starting out strong, haha.  I was encouraged when I left Erika this afternoon.  This girl has nothing going for her, but she is peaceful despite the pain and despite going 'without' in more ways than one.  She told me she's actually happy, and I believe her.  She's using coping tools she learned at Gateway, and because of Gateway Woods residential staff continuing to love on her and reach out to her (through God's grace), she has a support system.

Erika's story needs to be told, and orphan month is a great time.  Orphans aren't just kids who got removed from their families or kids from another country whose parents are MIA.  Orphans are teens and adults around us that we pass every day.  I want Erika's story to stick in your brain.  She has no where to go on Thanksgiving day, she has no winter coat.  She is an orphan.  And she is loved and loved on by our God, who sees all orphans and aches for them to feel His arms around their shoulders.  If Christ died for Oprah and Nicolas Sarcozy and Hugo Chavez and Billy Graham...then surely he died for those that need him even more desperately for their day to day needs.