Girls' Personality Profiles. Year 3.

Tallie:

You and I talk a lot.  That's because you like to talk, as anyone who has ever been w/in 3 feet of you knows ;)  You love to chat about your day when I am laying with you at bedtime.  We talk a lot about spiritual gifts, and how you have the gift of encouragement, gift-giving, and how you excel at art.  You love to chat about God, and Jesus, and heaven.  Sometimes we talk about how Grandpa Great Stoller is with Jesus in heaven now, and how we can't wait to see him again.  We often talk about how your feelings got hurt that day, or how frustrating it is that you can't seem to stop arguing with a certain friend at daycare each day. (I really need to meet this kid, he sounds like a hoot.)  Often you want to talk about how good you were for your teacher, even when the rest of the class wasn't listening or obeying.  You absolutely are exasperated that sometimes you get disciplined along with the class even through you were doing what was asked.  Oh honey, that will keep happening, it's a great lesson to learn now!

You continue to see those around you who are feeling left out or lonely, and reach out to them.  I hope, just as I have in past years, that you will continue to use this gift for good.  Earlier this week you told me how two of your friends at daycare were fighting, and before the teacher could get there to break it up, you mediated the situation.  That's pretty incredible, and I hope that the encouragement I give you keeps you going.  You are sort of the 'Mother Hen' of your daycare class, your teacher tells me.  That really cracks me up, especially since you are at least a head taller than the next tallest kid in your class.

You are an amazing big sister.  The way you engage and encourage Kaia blows me away.  There is nothing I love more than to be making dinner or organizing/cleaning on a weekend and hear you two up in your playroom cracking up like nothing else.  A couple months ago you took to telling her that she's your Best Friend.  Boy did I jump on the bandwagon and promote that!  On the flip side of this is anytime either of you gets mad at the other you yell, "You're not my best friend anymore!" It's (apparently) the worst slam in the world and usually causes the other sister to burst into tears.  When you two do get into fights, part of the restoration process now includes me sitting you both down and talking about how sisters come before anyone else and that showing each other love and forgiveness is extremely important.  I have no idea if you two will have more siblings, but right now I know you just have each other and you need to protect your relationship against any threat internal or external.

Right now you are into reading, and LOVE when you find your "sight words" throughout the day.  You also love art, and we often talk about how you need to practice art each day to get even better.  One of the things that I really regret about not being a stay-at-home mom is that I don't have a lot of time to promote and encourage these activities.  I would LOVE to spend hours with you showing you new types of art and helping you develop your personal style.

Being a parent to you is getting tougher for me, but easier for your daddy.  You keep your emotions loud and proud, and it is tough for me to remind myself that you need lots of careful patience and understanding when you are totally distraught.  My immediate reaction is to encourage you to work through it and forget the situation, but that is SO not how you work :)  I try to stop myself, get down on your level, and instead of giving you advise, just be there for you to cry on.  Your dad is super good at this stuff, and I really wish I was softer for you, but at least you have your soft-hearted dad!

I have noticed that while you really don't appreciate many new experiences or challenges, you will take on any problem that a person is having.  You broke up a fight between two friends, but you still sometimes get frustrated to tears trying to dress yourself in an outfit that doesn't go on easily.  You have endless patience for people, and will stay with someone until their situation has righted itself, but you do not have patience for 'stuff'.  As I look at how this might play out in a career later, I wonder if you are best suited for a job that has a routine where you can focus on people and not be distracted by having to jump through new challenges constantly.  Like a teacher, or a counselor, or a guidance counselor, or a Customer Service rep.  I guess we'll see if you agree in 15 years :)

Kaia:

WE.  HAVE.  ARRIVED.  Right before your 3rd birthday, it felt like the gears caught and we started functioning as a unit again.  After many hours working on bonding, and me learning what makes you tick, I believe that we are back to having a great parent-child bond.  I have earned back your trust.  This doesn't mean you've stopped being the spitfire you are (seriously, it would be awesome if I knew where you were at church more than 50% of the time).  You are still always on-the-go, sweating (and therefore stripping), and not much interested in stopping unless you are ready to crash.  But this bond thing doesn't really have anything to do with your crazy amounts of energy.

Paradoxically, you are a total cuddler, and you are super mothering to your baby dolls and stuffed animals.  You talk with them and wrap them in blankies; it is so fun to see this sweet side of you!  You love your twin newborn 2nd cousins, even though you don't see them all that often.  We talk about them all the time!  You also love your younger 1st cousin, and I think you will be great friends when she gets a little older.  As in past years, you continue to love the color purple and cats/kittens, and anything that you view as 'pretty' or 'princess'.

As I focused on our bond for this past year or so, a pattern started to clearly reveal itself.  One of my parenting challenges with you has been discipline.  Time outs don't always make a dent, and corporal punishment just makes you madder and more obstinate than ever.  Your dad and I have always made sure that discipline includes a post-talk about the behavior, and why the discipline was needed, and how we can help you choose a better path next time.  Often, I will pray with you after discipline.  As I was thinking about how to meaningfully guide you to correct choices, attitudes, and behaviors, I noticed something about your reactions to my discipline.  Sometimes you get in this mood, where you won't meet anyone's eyes, you pretend to not hear, and you do exactly the opposite of what is asked.  Discipline will NOT snap you out of this mood when you get it, no matter it's length.  If anything, if you require discipline while in this mood (which is almost every time you get into it), the discipline will only make things worse.  I started noticing that you get in this mood when you haven't had much alone time with your dad or myself.  So, instead of being reactive with discipline, your dad and I have tried catching you in this mood before you whack your sister (let's be honest, 98% of your discipline is for purposefully whacking Tallie), and spend some quiet 1-on-1 time with you!  We also try to spend time with you alone throughout the week whenever we can, which is pretty rare.  Usually one of us is with both you and Tallie at once, but you can barely handle sharing one adult's attention with your sister, so we get with you alone as often as possible!  The tactic seems to really be working over all.  Your dad and I are convinced that we have found the 'key' to your behavior choices, it's relationship, and time spent with you ALONE.  Boy is it a good thing you aren't a middle child!

Because of your high need for stimulation, I try to have plenty of tactile things for you to play with, and play doh is still your favorite.  We could fill an armoire with all of your play doh and play doh toys, and you rarely turn down an opportunity to spend time creating stuff with it.  Your favorite thing to do is to mix as many colors as you can.  Sometimes I limit you to only a couple of colors out at a time, but other times I give up the fight and let you have at it all.  We just ask for some new tubs of it at each holiday/birthday!

You adore your big sister Tallie.  You have always disliked waking up from naps before her and that continues.  Just today, you woke up before her from your afternoon nap, and asked me if you could wake her up.  It was so sweet :)  She is your super-hero, best friend, and favorite playmate.  Even though you are pretty rough when you play, and she is uber-sensitive, you two almost always smooth things over, and can play for long periods of time by yourselves.

You still have your funny little rituals and needs.  At night we follow a pretty strict routine, and you really crave the pattern and each part of our bedtime routine.  You like to run your finger along hems of sleeves and the bottoms of shirts.  You really like me to cradle your head in my hand as you fall asleep, as you ever so delicately run your index finger along my sleeve hem.  You also like to sing a song at night, each song usually lasts 6mo-year.  Right now it's the wise man/foolish man song, and of course you love the big "smash" when the foolish man's house falls down.  I can also gauge how you are feeling toward me by how you respond to my affirmations each night.  I have gotten into the habit of asking you and your sister 3 questions each night, and have you respond.  I ask if you know that I love you, if you know that you are wonderful, and if you know that you are important to me.  If you are frustrated or annoyed with me, you won't respond.  If you are feeling goofy, you will shake your head no.  But if we are ending the day on a good note, you will sleepily nod yes.  I don't think I'll ever forget bedtime moments with you, I sure hope I don't!

You never, ever, back down from a hurdle or tough situation.  Just as your sister dislikes challenges but loves working with people, you love challenges and could take or leave people and their feelings.  Last week you carried an oversized bag all the way down the stairs.  It was probably more than a 1/3 of your weight, and you wavered and struggled all the way down, but you weren't about to let anyone carry it for you.  You proudly staggered down the stairs, holding it above the ground the whole way and triumphantly plunking it down at the bottom, beaming with pride.  I don't know what God will ask of you in life, but I have NO DOUBT that you will not back down from any challenge.  You are going to thrive on new puzzles and challenges, you are going to sacrifice many comforts to find answers to questions that interest you, and you are going to climb to the top of the heap in whatever you decide to hone in on.  You might step on a few toes and bruise a few egos on your way, but you'll learn as you grow that some people are more sensitive and in-tune with their emotions than you are.  I love you, little wiggle-butt, and life would just be too boring and predictable without you in it!