The Land Between

A few weeks ago I attended the January monthly Staff Meeting at Gateway.  Each month, all available staff gathers for a couple of hours to review pertinent information and pray.  Prayer requests from anyone present are taken, and then are prayed for.  Usually, the manager of each department gives a 30 second spiel of what has gone on that month (for example, Foster Care might be something like: This month we had 2 discharges from our foster homes and we had 3 intakes, so our numbers have stayed relatively steady.  We are in the process of licensing 4 new foster homes, and hope to have them done by the end of next month.  We have a foster to adopt family that is struggling with knowing where God is leading them and how to care for their high-needs foster child that they are in the process of adopting.)  There is also a testimony given (It doesn't have to be a testimony of how you came to Christ, often a staff member will give testimony of how God called them out of their comfort zone to serve at Gateway.), and a devotion.

January's devotion was given by Terri Mueller, and it was given to me by God.  It hit me right where it counts, and I SO appreciate her giving it!  Interestingly, Terri had written the devotion she gave, but had scrapped it that morning because of doubts.  She then wrote another one before the meeting, but due to a  *completely random* power outage wasn't able to print it, so she went with this one.  Multiple staff members said that they benefitted from it, and it was/is SO timely not only in my life, but in the 'life' of Gateway right now, too.  Also, I never sit by the management at these things, but the only seat available was up by the administrators, right across the corner from Terri.  I couldn't have acted distracted if I had wanted to!  I had to take the whole thing full-on, and that is exactly what God intended.  No way of escape for me!  I love how God works everything to come together for good.

The devotion centered around John 14:1, and dwelling and thriving in the times 'between' in our lives.  Terri had picked up 'The Land Between' by Jeff Manion, and though she hadn't read it, shared some thoughts that God brought to her as she read the back of the book and pondered the concept of 'the land between' in our lives.

John 14:1 says "Let not your heart be troubled; ye believe in God, believe also in me."  The sentiment pairs well with a brief look at Manion's work and intentions.  'The Land Between' is about the times of undesirable transition in our lives.  He uses the story of the Israelites 40 year journey through the desert as a metaphor.  When we are in transition, it is so easy to look back at where we have come from and to long for that familiarity.  It is also easy to dwell on our hopes and dreams for an ideal future, and miss the beauty of our current time of transition.

In times of transition, it is NOT easy to be content and focused on Christ.  Let's take a look at the Israelites.  Almost right away they longed for the old food from Egypt!  They didn't trust God to provide, or maybe it was that because they had lived their whole lives with this need provided, that they didn't realize that God was in the business of providing different food sources.  They could only think about what they once had, and that it was gone.  And because of their inability to see that God WAS in the business of providing alternate food sources, they couldn't move forward.  Back wasn't an option, but they were preventing themselves from forward movement by keeping their eyes on Egypt.  So what types of transitions do we face that make us long for old familiarity?  Foreclosure?  Under-employment?  Unemployment?  Death of a loved one? Lesser things like adjustments in our relationship with our parents or kids?  A big change in your family's routine?  Each of these are short term times in our lives that link one phase of life to another.  Like a swaying chain-link bridge over a foggy gap, from one rock to another.  Unsteady, unknown, can't go backward, don't want to go forward.

So how did the Israelites respond to their land in between?  We all know.  They whined.  Whined, whined, whined.  God was good to them, but they rejected Him and His provisions at about every turn.  They were unthankful and acted like undisciplined children.  They would rather go back to working under the sun and whip than follow a pillar of fire or cloud to their next destination.  (Talk about personalized GPS!)  In the end, their tantrums and stubbornness lead to death in the desert.  Those that spent their time looking back and longing for Egypt died in the desert.  God GAVE them opportunity after opportunity, He even granted them a peak into their future.  But, they continued to resist and yearn for the old.

As I sat and listened to Terri (whose soothing voice helped soften the blow of all of this a bit), I sat frozen.  I am in a land between in my life.  A stinkin' long-lasting land between, but still a transition.  We moved to Winona Lake in June- it's been over 6 months, and our world totally changed.  Darren and I are full-time student/career, and we are in a community that for the first time for either of us, doesn't come with a built-in network to tap into.  I still feel new and uncomfortable...and I am very, VERY whiny.  At the end of the devotion, Terri posed a few questions to the group gathered.  She delivered them very kindly, but to me it sounded like rapid fire from a firing squad.  Are we doubting His goodness?  Are we complaining about our situation in the Land Between OR are we grateful for what we have?  Do we have a thankful and joyful heart, both of while are NOT DEPENDENT ON OUR CIRCUMSTANCES, but our attitudes?  Are we disobedient OR are we following His lead whether it is moving forward or staying still?  Are we growing bitter and rebellious OR are we growing more trusting and dependent on God?

Bam.  Bam.  Bam.  Straight to my heart.

I doubt God's goodness all the time.  At this point in my first draft, I had a long list of things and ways I have complained.  But I decided to delete them because it's too embarrassing to put that all out there.  I'll just leave it at this:  I'm not complaining just about my trails.  I've been complaining about my blessings.  And it really does come down to that.  I've been shaking my fist at the blue sky and demanding to that the painter of that sky that He tell me why He painted the sky a shade of blue that's not my favorite hue.  That's humbling to admit.  And it's been worse dealing with life since I realized this, and all of my habitual complaining is front and center in my consciousness.  I hope that soon I will be able to look back at my recent past and say that from this point I moved to a more thankful disposition and that my life shows it.  For now, I am going to focus on being actively for my blessings, and strive to become more thankful for the hard stuff, too.