Here a little

Running has sucked the functionality out of my life :)  So excited that in 12 days I will be done with training!  In the mean time, I did have some thoughts to put down.

Darren is currently taking a class on church history, from Christ's death to now.  As part of that, he was required to write up a history of the AC church.  This has been very heavy on his heart, and seems to get heavier the more he learns about healthy churches and the patterns of splits and friction in the AC church over the past 100+ years.  I'm sure that he'd love to sit and talk with you about anything on this subject, as soon as his quarter is over on May 6!

As Darren has been working through some of these things, he has taught me a few really neat things and shown me places where there is hope for healing.  What has made the most sense to me when Darren explained the most recent split, is this:  The church is in a tug-of-war right now.  There are those who focus on the culture and the sanctification of the church.  Being apart from the world.  'In it, not of it' is sort of their mantra.  One the other side of the mud pit, tugging along, are those that focus on outreach whether domestic or foreign.  These two sides seem to be hopelessly at odds, at least to me.  I don't see how anyone that is passionate about reaching others for Christ can possibly understand someone who's primary concern in life is to appear different than the culture around them.  If you are in outreach, you are trying to understand and come alongside the lost.  If you value sanctification above all else, you hardly make eye contact with others, much less try to understand them.

I try to stay neutral and see both sides, but I lean heavily towards one side and sometimes catch myself viewing the other with disgust.  I can understand unity in Christ. I can't understand homogeny in Christ, which is what I feel "unity" implies to lifers like me that grew up AC.  I ask forgiveness for my frequent inability and at times unwillingness to see the other side as Christians on the same footing as I am.

So with this as the background setting, let's walk through an experience I had on Sunday.  That morning, I saw my 'fake' hair by my bathroom sink and thought it would be fun to do a big bun that day.  I hadn't put my hair up like that in a while, and it's nice to spend time on it every once in a while and try new up do's!  So, I tried a new hairstyle (I don't know what it looked like, I couldn't locate my hand mirror and never did look at it that day from behind.) and off to church we went.

By the time I sat down to lunch, I was in a bad mood.  I hadn't eaten breakfast and my blood sugar had plummeted.  Trying to get a seat on the women's side in Leo if you're not in the first seating is like competing in the Hunger Games.  People are out for blood, and when you are trying to drag a highchair along with you to sit anywhere, someone invariable beats you to it.  (end of rant)  Anyway, I got to sit down as waiters were clearing the tables, and I really just wanted to eat and go on to the next thing.

As I sat alternately making my sandwich and feeding Kaia, a woman came up to me and started talking.  I didn't know who she was, but I recognized her and she obviously knew who I was.  She started talking to me about Leo, how loud the lunch room was, etc.  I felt sorry for her as she seemed to be having a hard time finding anyone she knew to talk to, so I kept chatting.  Then, she leaned in close to me and said, "I can just hardly handle all of this long hair."  It took me a second to know what in the world she was talking about, then I realized that her hair was in a bun, my hair was in a bun, and all around us were women with their hair down.

I swallowed a bite and 1/2 smiled at her.  She went on, "I know we're supposed to forgive a little bit about this stuff, but..." She repeated that line at least three times over the next minute or so.  I was the epitome of tongue-tied.  So many things I thought about saying!  'Supposed to forgive'?!?  What does that make me if we are both Christians, member of the same denomination, and you are having to find in yourself to forgive me for my hair?  If she had come the Sunday before, my hair was probably down, too.  Also, mere inches from her, my wedding band lay in my pocket.  I had worn it for part of the day before I remembered to take it off.  I wanted to be kind and understanding to where she was coming from, but I wondered if I should use this moment to help her understand the team on the other side of the mud pit??  I thought about explaining the two opposing AC teams to her, but would she ever get it? I felt sorry for her, and thought about how many years she had spent 'forgiving' other christians for non-sin infractions.

In the end, I explained that due to Gateway Woods being a big part of Leo church, resident's families often visit.  Many members have eased up on having their hair up in buns (among other things, but I wasn't about to go there!) so as to make the experience of visiting the AC church less shocking from the get-go and thereby creating a better atmosphere to share Jesus.  That was totally lost on her, she just kept going on about how she was supposed to forgive and following it with a trailing 'but'.  <sigh>

She eventually wandered away, and I wondered if I had done the right thing.  Did I help her with the predicament in her heart?  Did I do it in love?  Should I have tried to explain more why up-do's aren't a priority and what things are?  I worried that she thought less of Leo because of what I said.  I hope not, but I supposed that's not up to me to change her mind.  I also wonder if it was even possible for me to hurt her opinion of Leo more?  Is not wearing buns the worst infraction in her mind?  What sort of thing would redeem us in her mind?  Who knows, certainly not me.  God, forgive her for her twisted opinion as to what Christianity is.  Forgive her for elevating her above others that she should be standing beside.    Forgive her for putting value on appearances and not on heart issues.

God, forgive me for judging her by one conversation.  Forgive me for elevating myself above her and thinking that I could make her a better Christian.  Forgive me for thinking that just because she cares about the outside, she doesn't care about the heart issues.